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by Louise C on 2006 Feb 10 - 11:12 | reply to this comment
Although this entire thread i
Although this entire thread is intriguing and speaks loudly and broadly to many taken in hand/BDSM-based relationship issues, I believe it only accurate to point out that Under His Wing's general point of view seems to be one formed by an obvious faith and belief in what appears to be a Christian-labeled religious theme/organization/lifestyle/church/viewpoint/fill in the blank. I am reminded once again to "beware any fundamentalism" and although I am not presuming the written viewpoint to be from a fundamental POV, I do encourage all readers to take into account the author's and their own POVs and for all of us to remember we are free to choose to live with or without religion. These are scary days in the world and it's getting more and more challenging to rely on our instincts, research, analysis and smarts in an increasingly faith-based environment.

That said, one thing the essay really brought up for me (recently removed from a four-year lifestyle d/s relationship) is an on-going discussion between my exdom and myself that went something like this: he became less and less interested in initiating "play" and leadership and cherishing because he did not want to be in the role of "servant". This compromised his general belief that once the sub started expecting and enjoying the interplay, he was no longer in control. This unwavering and non-growth-oriented MO ultimately led to my great emotional, spiritual, mental and physical discontent; not because there wasn't enough "healthy" physical and emotional and psychological "play" (there wasn't, it's true), but because I was no longer cherished. I agree with Taken's idea that, at least in my alpha-female-sub ways, to be cherished and to trust that I am cherished, is the single most important key to giving myself to an alpha-male-dom. Without the cherishment (new word, eh?), I am just giving, giving, serving and giving and serving some more and, as I learned, I ended up empty. (But full of smarts and insight!)

Thanks for the provocation.